tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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