3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
