I want to walk on stilts...naked
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
