Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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