My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
