it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
