My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
