I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
