Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
