You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
