thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
