Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
