The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
