the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
