he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
