Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
