her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
