Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
