I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
