I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
