I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the liver wants what the liver wants
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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