R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
