im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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