sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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