Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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