i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
