There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
