Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
