He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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