Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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