this beer tastes like vomit already
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
