I didn't shave. On purpose
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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