Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
