I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
