I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
