cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
