I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Come share oat with me in your robe
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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