People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
