I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I touched a dick in church today
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