its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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