Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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