went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
