wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
