My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
