So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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