it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
