So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
