Got a toothbrush?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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