I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
