I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
