Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
