What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
