the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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