I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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